Herbie Mack Returns S 4 E15
So honoured to once again speak with Herbie. He's a fellow survivor with a huge mission. We talk about Social Media and You.. the Good the Bad and the Resources you can use to manage your digital life.
Empowering Suicide Prevention Specialist and Keynote Speaker with Expertise in Suicide Ideation Education and Post-Attempt Guidance | Host of the Just Believe Show | Dedicated to Helping Those Struggling with Suicide.
Daily Dose of Inspiration! Mental health is not a destination; it's a journey. A journey that requires patience, self-love, and support. Remember to care for your mental health daily, not just during Mental Health Month. #JustBelieve #MentalHealthMatters
Suicide Prevention Specialist • Suicide Ideation Educator • Provide post-suicide attempt guidance • Keynote Speaker Host of @thejustbelieveshow.
Socials And Site
https://www.facebook.com/imherbiemack/
https://www.instagram.com/hbmack
https://www.tiktok.com/@herbiemack
https://www.twitter.com/HBMACK
https://www.youtube.com/@imherbiemack
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Transcript
# Herbie Mack Returns S4 E15
[00:00:00]
[00:00:00] **Elaine Lindsay:** Hello. It's good to be back. Very happy to be here and excited to have a returning guest today I'm going to be here with Herby Mack, who was on the show back in 2022. And we have a lot to talk about. This is gonna be more of a conversation about what we see going on now. Herbie Mac is an amazing speaker.
[00:00:28] **Elaine Lindsay:** He's all about suicide prevention and just one of the loveliest guys I've ever met. So, without further ado, here we go. Hi. Herbie.
[00:00:42] **Herbie Mack:** How's everything?
[00:00:43] **Elaine Lindsay:** It's good. It's good to see you.
[00:00:46] **Herbie Mack:** Likewise, likewise. I'm, I'm honored to be a returning guest and also, I'm just ready for this conversation. I think that's how we can prevent suicide.
[00:00:56] **Herbie Mack:** It's just my conversation.
[00:00:58] **Elaine Lindsay:** That is such a [00:01:00] perfect start to this. Yes it is conversation. Talking is, to me the most important thing and I know for your generation and younger, we're starting to get that message out. For my generation, talking was not something you ever give. And I have a, a real deep-seated need to make sure that all of us, right down to the youngest person who might have a suicidal thought, I want you to know you need to reach out and talk to someone, anyone.
[00:01:47] **Elaine Lindsay:** Don't keep it inside, because what people sometimes don't remember all the thoughts that run through your head. Number one, they're not real. Number two, they're not true. And number three, when you [00:02:00] tell someone you lessen that burden.
[00:02:06] **Elaine Lindsay:** So that, that's my little often running. That's
[00:02:10] **Herbie Mack:** your TED talk?
[00:02:12] **Elaine Lindsay:** That's my mini TED talk. Yes, yes. Talk to somebody. Anybody
[00:02:17] **Herbie Mack:** I do agree. You know, for myself, during the, the challenges that I had, the struggles and, and trying to decide if I wanna be here or not, I found it easier once I started talking to like, really backtrack that man, you know, do, do I wanna make that forever decision.
[00:02:37] **Herbie Mack:** And it's like, no, I don't, I actually want to be here, but I want the pain to end. And, but I. When I sat down and started having conversations with people, right. The, support group that I like to say, they really helped me reframe my mindset of like, man, I understand that you're hurting, but it is okay to, to, to ask for help.
[00:02:56] **Herbie Mack:** And now, like, you know, being a guy like, oh my [00:03:00] life, they've been saying, you know, asking for help is a sign of weakness. **So I started reframing my mindset into let me use my resources, and that changed everything. **
[00:03:12] **Elaine Lindsay:** Oh my God, that's brilliant. That is brilliant.
[00:03:17] **Herbie Mack:** Yeah. You just being told, like, you know, asking for help.
[00:03:21] **Herbie Mack:** Weakness, weakness, weakness. But then when you look at it and you say, let me ask, let me use my resources, it it, it's you realizing like, man, I have great assets and friends or maybe access to actually seek someone to, to. Provide the proper help that I need, whether it's a, you know, a counselor, a therapist, social worker, whomever works for you that can help you get out of that negative mindset.
[00:03:46] **Herbie Mack:** And once I've said that, it was just like, oh, life is so much easier. Right? Because like, like if my car breaks down and I know I need a ride, I'm gonna call you. Not because I'm active for help, I'm just looking at my phone and I'm looking at the resources that I have that can give me a [00:04:00] ride to where I need to go.
[00:04:01] **Herbie Mack:** Yes.
[00:04:03] **Elaine Lindsay:** And I'm sorry you'll wait a little while for me to get there, but I'll be there.
[00:04:07] **Herbie Mack:** You're worth the wait.
[00:04:08] **Elaine Lindsay:** Okay. You're such a sweetheart. Oh. Giving aside, no, I think that's a really, really good point. Reframing gives us an opportunity. To turn things on their head. And we talk about that in business.
[00:04:24] **Elaine Lindsay:** Yes, a lot reframing how you go about managing your business can inject a, a whole new outlook. So why not, you know, take that as a resource and use that in your personal toolbox. And that brings us to two things. I really believe that we need to start the conversations with elementary school children.
[00:04:55] **Elaine Lindsay:** Suicidal ideation starts a lot younger than [00:05:00] people think. And y you said you decided y you knew you wanted to be here. People who know my story know that I lost a dear friend at 16 and her death was her showing me. That leaving was not the best option and what it would do to those that I would leave behind.
[00:05:27] **Elaine Lindsay:** And I think because I'm so hardheaded, the universe decided that that was the way to show me. And, and it doesn't work for everybody. It's not necessary for everybody, thank God. But we need to be sure that from childhood you understand that not everything that goes through your head ha you have to act on, or, or is the truth or, or is in fact reality.
[00:05:58] **Elaine Lindsay:** And you [00:06:00] can't fix what you don't understand or don't know. And, and in all honesty, I don't think school prepares us for any of the things that actually happen in life.
[00:06:15] **Herbie Mack:** Yes. And I, I would say yes and no. Yeah. Like, is there, is there, is there a, a subject for it? Like in a school curriculum, probably not.
[00:06:23] **Herbie Mack:** Right? But then when you come across certain teachers, certain teachers have a certain way on you. You know, for myself, I was having, in high school, I was really struggling. My sister died from cancer. And one of my friends who was like, Hey, you know, do you play basketball? Whatnot, was like, oh, yeah, yeah, I do.
[00:06:41] **Herbie Mack:** And I was actually pretty good. And then he suggests, let's go on the basketball team. Let's try out, we make the team. And it was a coach that really helped me out, not only in that moment, but in life. He was always saying, Hey Herby, what's the weakest areas in your game? I'm just like, dude, I don't know.
[00:06:57] **Herbie Mack:** You're the coach. Like, you're supposed to let me know. [00:07:00] And he's like he's like, all right, look, I'm gonna teach you the, these tools to know what areas to improve on. So this way when the season's over, you can work on it. Cool, right? Like just analyzing my game. So when I was going through my suicidal ideations and, and, and attempts when it's like time to pick me up, I decided to use that method, right?
[00:07:20] **Herbie Mack:** But instead of using it in a basketball term of like, oh, like, let me look at the film. The film was me sitting down and actually journaling, right? So this way I was able to understand what areas in my life I have to improve on. You know, in my mind, you know, when, when you, you know, when you're in your twenties and your thirties, you think, I know it all right?
[00:07:39] **Herbie Mack:** Like, my life is good. My life is amazing. But then when I sat down and took that moment to pause and analyze the game and, and my writing right, I realized my foundation was extremely weak. I didn't really have a great foundation, so what can I do? What can I work on? How to build a foundation, right?
[00:07:55] **Herbie Mack:** Then it went from finances, right? Like realizing that I am [00:08:00] making a lot of irrational decisions, emotional decisions, instead of logical decisions on like, Hey, I'm going out to the club, I'm going out to the strip clubs, I'm going out to the bars. We're going here and there. But then the long term, I wasn't really putting an investment on myself, right?
[00:08:14] **Herbie Mack:** So it was like stuff like that. And I always thank coach White for just taking the time to help me break down the game of basketball. But then I had to learn how to reframe my mind and use it in a, in a way of like, in a game of life, what areas do I need to prove on? What can I do? What, what was, and that despite like one of the biggest, like, thank you.
[00:08:36] **Herbie Mack:** I can, I can, I can say about him. Yeah. And, and it was wasn't just the. The skills of basketball he taught also taught me about life. Hey man, you know, slow down. You're moving too fast. It's fast. You don't need to hang out with people. That's taking, taking a, well, not taking, but adding distractions in your life.
[00:08:55] **Elaine Lindsay:** It's incredible. And I think all of us have those people in our lives. [00:09:00] Sometimes it takes a while for us to, to be able to remember what it was that someone did for you or, or you know, how useful the information you learned was. But I think everybody at some point gets someone in their life. And if you can be aware of these types of mentors and these types of people, then when we are open, To help when we're open to resources, let's say, let's not use the word help when we're open to resources and to, to interacting with others who may have other game plans that we can use.
[00:09:48] **Elaine Lindsay:** The universe provides whether you call it God or the universe or a higher power, whatever you call it. Okay. They, it will be provided. It's [00:10:00] just a matter of being open, being curious. Right. I think that's really important and, and that, that's sort of let, let's segue into what I see as one of the biggest issues.
[00:10:17] **Elaine Lindsay:** A a, an area I've, I've worked in for many, many years, but social media is both a blessing and a curse. And like everything that's happening right now online ai, all of the, the changes that we are going through, it is ramping up to the speed of light. And none of us had the time or the foresight to listen to those who were saying, caution, caution here.
[00:10:56] **Elaine Lindsay:** And here we are. You and I are here [00:11:00] because suicide in the world now is the second leading cause of death. More than 800,000 people died from suicide every year. Like that's, that's a staggering number. And the most, I think, terrifying. Part of that. Is, there are many, many times social media's involved.
[00:11:31] **Elaine Lindsay:** Yeah,
[00:11:32] **Herbie Mack:** yeah, yeah. I, you know, it, it's, I love social media and I hate it at the same time, you know, you can be, be someone with you know, amazing smile and you can post a picture like, oh, what a wonderful day. And then you'll have someone that you may, you you may know or you may not know, that will reply in your picture and be like, oh, you're ugly, or whatever, you're fat, or whatever.
[00:11:56] **Herbie Mack:** And it's, and that can just be a [00:12:00] spark for someone who's already having insecurities that's just like, man, you know what? I'm always getting picked on. Nobody loves me. And you learn not to love yourself. And then you go into that negative place of making that forever decision and. I feel like when it comes to social media, yes we do dictate what we watch, what we control, who's in our who's on our feed no matter what platform you choose.
[00:12:22] **Herbie Mack:** And for myself, I had to do something. When I was in that negative mindset, I just got off of social media cause I wasn't that strong enough. And then when I got back on social media, I started unfollowing some of my friends that wasn't align, aligning to what I wanted. Right. I wanted to be someone who woke up and had positive thoughts, all this stuff.
[00:12:44] **Herbie Mack:** So I started following people that was inspiring me to do that. And I started unfollowing people who was just like poaching, posting pictures of like, them just sitting on the couch, right? Like, it's not really adding the value that I needed or, or they started posting things [00:13:00] that wasn't aligned with me as far as like negative Negative, negative fights.
[00:13:04] **Herbie Mack:** Like, you know, it's just like, oh, you know, like all this negative stuff. And it's just like, I didn't need that. And it takes, I wanna say bravery to one, acknowledge like, Hey, I'm not in that mindset to, to receive all this negative stuff. I don't want this negative stuff. Let me unfollow certain people. Like I unfollow some of my family members, right?
[00:13:25] **Herbie Mack:** Not because I don't love them, but what they was shown on their feet, I didn't wanna see anymore. Yeah. And then I, same thing with friends. And for that, you know, when it comes to social media, you want to make sure that you're, you're following people. That's going to inspire you or gonna add value, whether it's entertainment of like, you know, something that's gonna make you laugh, that's not gonna bring you down.
[00:13:46] **Herbie Mack:** Yeah. And I think, I think it should be something that's talked about now. It's like we control our social media that is like our cable to say the least, right? Yeah. So it's like, hey, let me, let me follow this. Whether it's a sports team, whether it's a [00:14:00] motivational speaker, whether it is your favorite podcast about, about phishes, right?
[00:14:05] **Herbie Mack:** Like, it's like, let me follow something that makes me happy, that add value and the stuff that doesn't, I'm just gonna block out. I don't wanna see this, I don't want that. And then that just only thing, only thing that's gonna come from that is obviously you being a better person, but you're gonna get the right people in your circle.
[00:14:21] **Herbie Mack:** Yeah. That's gonna vibe with you. That's gonna not bring you down, but lift you up.
[00:14:26] **Elaine Lindsay:** Absolutely. And in talking to younger people, I know how exciting it is to, to get likes and to have comments and, you know, and, and to try and keep up with those, sorry. But the Kardashians and what have you. And I'm not knocking the Kardashians.
[00:14:50] **Elaine Lindsay:** Okay. I have to say for, for all the stuff that's out there, these are good, smart business women Okay. Who put a [00:15:00] lot of effort into what they do and, and kudos to you. And, and I have to say, I actually like Kylie's lipsticks, so there you go. Even at my age, but all of those people, okay. They didn't start with a billion followers.
[00:15:18] **Elaine Lindsay:** They didn't start yesterday. So all of the young people that are looking at the college Jenners and, and What's Kelsey Ballerini and, and all of these people, yes, it looks wonderful, but they didn't get there in five minutes. You have to take time. There's no rush to living your life. Try and be where you are.
[00:15:43] **Elaine Lindsay:** And for, for me, I see the problem with the young people is one bad comic can be the end of somebody. Like, it's happened. This, this is not, you know, this is not a fairy [00:16:00] story. This is the truth. And, and the fact is, I, I have a, a different take now than I would have early on in social media, even young people.
[00:16:13] **Elaine Lindsay:** I want you to look at the people that troll others, the people that say hurtful things that don't even know you. Imagine, okay. That you can see into their life. I guarantee you, you're going to see pain and hurt and trauma and old stuff that they're carting along with them because people who hurt are the ones who hurt other people.
[00:16:43] **Elaine Lindsay:** And, and that's true all the time. It doesn't matter what they're hurting with. I posted a little video on the Instagram it was one of the school shootings. I, [00:17:00] I just breaks my heart. And this year specifically, it's been happening so much. There were more than 150 shootings and there weren't 150 days in the year at that point.
[00:17:14] **Elaine Lindsay:** And I, I just had enough. It was late at night. I'm tired of crying over other people's children. And I just got on and said like, I'm sorry, America, what is wrong? What is wrong with you? That you value guns more than children? Yeah. How? How can that be? And I had a couple of really vicious trolls that were calling me all kinds of things.
[00:17:38] **Elaine Lindsay:** And it was like, okay, I feel very sad for you. Thank you for sharing. And that's that because I can't do anything about your opinion if you are not open to learning something new. And therefore, me trying to interact with you [00:18:00] or change your opinion at this point is futile for me. So if I just say, thank you for sharing, and this came from Marissa Pier, a hypnotist.
[00:18:13] **Elaine Lindsay:** That sort of diffuses things because there's no comeback for them. No, it's not okay. And any comeback is if, if you are somewhere where you have to engage, you just keep repeating. Thank you for sharing, because you don't wanna be rude, you don't wanna engage and ramp it up because the only person who's gonna get hurt is you.
[00:18:41] **Elaine Lindsay:** And in social media, my suggestion for young people, the minute someone trolls you and it's someone you don't know, block them. I don't care what platform you're on, I don't care that your friends follow them. Don't care about [00:19:00] any of that. Somebody attacks you. Think of that as your little space. Okay?
[00:19:05] **Elaine Lindsay:** That's your little place. Somebody comes into your home and attacks you, you block them, they're gone. Okay. And, and there's no three strikes here, okay? We are talking about your mental health, your wellbeing, and, and keeping you going. So no three strikes, one strike block. 'em, you do not, as Herbe said, you don't need that in your life.
[00:19:33] **Elaine Lindsay:** No, you don't. It's just not worth it.
[00:19:36] **Herbie Mack:** Yeah, no, I wanted to add to that as well. You know, if, you know, it doesn't even matter if you don't know them, if you know, like it's not worth your energy. As far as as like the negative...
