Episode 12

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Published on:

25th Feb 2025

Hope Anchors the Soul: David Woods Bartley on Life and Healing

Navigating Uncertainty: A Journey of Hope and Healing

In this episode of the 'Suicide Zen Forgiveness' podcast, the host discusses the ongoing series 'Navigating Uncertainty,' which features raw, honest conversations, tips, and expert resources to help listeners navigate confusing and challenging times. Special guest David Woods Bartley shares his personal journey of overcoming severe depression through treatments like ECT and the power of human connection. The episode highlights the importance of small acts of kindness, connection, and the transformative power of hope. The conversation also focuses on the significance of genuine human interaction and the impact of simple gestures like using someone's name, offering a smile, or asking how you can support others.

00:00 Introduction to Navigating Uncertainty Series

01:36 Meet David Woods Bartley

08:55 David's Journey Through Depression

11:33 The Turning Point: ECT Treatment

20:37 Daily Support and Recovery

31:53 The Power of Connection and Hope

32:17 Jane Goodall's Perspective on Hope

32:41 Three Methods to Create Connection

33:25 The Impact of Handwritten Notes

37:33 Stories of Kindness and Generosity

40:44 Family and Personal Stories

55:44 The Importance of Manners and Acknowledgment

01:00:40 Final Thoughts and Farewell

About David Woods Bartley

David Bartley offers a genuine and relatable perspective on mental health. Through his personal journey from deep challenges to meaningful recovery, David inspires and educates. His talks, rich with real-life stories, offer insights into the complexities of mental illness, aiming to foster understanding and hope.

David's approach is grounded in Whole Person Care, emphasizing a holistic view of mental wellness. He addresses the myths surrounding mental health, replacing misinformation with truth and empathy. His workshops and presentations not only raise awareness but also equip audiences with practical tools for supporting mental well-being in themselves and others.

More Info

Transcript
Speaker:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: It's great to be

back and today we are once again talking

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about our series, Navigating Uncertainty.

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This is a series we started

in December:

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Suicide Then Forgiveness podcast.

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It's a real time series and will

air at intervals over the next year.

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It's about life as it is right now.

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For many, life feels so confusing, and

we're here to hopefully help a little.

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The new series is packed with real time

information, tips, expert resources, and

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raw, honest conversations, designed to

guide you through these challenging times.

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We've had special guests

already, like David Emmerlin.

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Mark Babich, Andy Grant, and they've all

shared practical tips, expert resources,

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and truly meaningful conversations.

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Whether you're seeking clarity,

connection, or just a moment of peace,

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this series has something for everyone.

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Now, I want you to realize that not

everybody's going to agree with everything

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that you hear during this series.

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Today we are going to talk about the past.

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Including some of our guests.

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But we want to look at all sides of

the current situation in the world.

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So that we together can

face the uncertainty.

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And today I am so honored

to bring you a past guest.

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David Woods Bartley is with me today.

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David Woods Bartley:

Hello there, dear soul.

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What a joy to be back with you again.

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Thank you.

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Thank you.

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Thank Happy New Year.

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It's February.

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Happy, Happy New Year.

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It's lovely to be back with you.

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It's still appropriate to say

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: it.

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Absolutely.

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Absolutely.

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And even more perfect

because I have to confess.

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This morning, I took

down the Christmas tree.

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David Woods Bartley: Oh I'm a

little jealous that you had it up.

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Yes.

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Yeah.

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That you had it up.

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I think we had ours up,

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my birthday was on the 12th of January.

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I think we had it up

for about another week.

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We had it until about the 18th.

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The fact you had it up,

I'm a little jealous.

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I can have that thing, you know

what, I can have it up all year.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: My

husband was angling for all year.

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It did look very pretty, but

I like my living room back.

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No, I just, in all honesty, there's

so much going on in the world.

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I'll be honest.

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I was having a tough time this month

and let me interrupt that for a minute.

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Say happy birthday.

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David Woods Bartley: Thank you.

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Six, the happy 62 and never, I shared

this with a, I was reaching out to

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make some connections on LinkedIn

with people in behavioral health.

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And I ended each saying that I really.

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At, I'm 62 years old and I've never been

more mentally well in my entire life.

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Wow.

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And I just wanna help.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Except for

that last wobble I'm gonna agree with you

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'cause I'm probably in the same space.

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Am I am mature.

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I have, yeah.

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Come to terms with who

I'm . That I'd never done before.

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I am still the dark Pollyanna and

that won't ever change, but that's

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part and parcel of getting to the

ripe old age of 69 and realizing

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I need to accept me for who I am.

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And for who I am now.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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No, a big one.

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David Woods Bartley: Yeah.

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And I think for me.

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No, and I think it fits into,

to really what we're talking

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about in terms of uncertainty.

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I actually, life now at 62,

there is a finite aspect to

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it that I didn't have before.

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And I actually think for me, that actually

reduces uncertainty because I know,

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I figured I would imagine, longevity

is pretty good in my family history.

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We lost my birth father at just 43 of

cancer induced by smoking, but outside

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of that but, and outside of that,

everybody else, mom lived 90 plus years.

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And so I figured, let's say I'd

live, another 30 years, three

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decades to really what I want to do.

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is make a contribution.

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I'm really not looking

for anything from anybody.

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I want to give back.

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And I've become a huge, I've always been,

who isn't a Denzel Washington fan, but you

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can go on Instagram and some other things.

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And I have called these different

threads that are, they're just so

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wonderfully positive, which I love and

need now in our current environment.

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And one of the, what did he talk about?

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I'm going to mess it up because

I'm not Denzel, unfortunately.

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You talked about the three, three

stages of life more or less in the first

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you learn and then in the first third

is learning and in the second third.

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Is growing.

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And then, and the last third is giving,

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ah, much more beautifully than that.

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Washington, of course,

would say something.

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And That's beautiful.

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I know when he said that,

I was like, oh, wow.

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And I feel that now it's, you and I

were talking and the idea that we'll

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share here about an idea that I have

around the work that I don't care

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if my name's associated with it.

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Yeah.

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I do believe passionately

it's gonna gain traction.

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It will.

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It's just, it's that good.

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I don't take credit for it.

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It came from however we want to

define this, what created us.

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It came from that.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

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David Woods Bartley: Because it

needed to be expressed at this time.

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Yeah.

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And so it's so funny because I think,

not because I think, I know, and I think,

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dear friend, you would agree with me, if

we were younger than 60, I would probably

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be pretty passionate, albeit vehement.

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Hey, you know what?

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I need credit for this.

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I could care less.

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You know what?

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I'm funny.

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Cause when you look at my bio now, I'm

a product of the people in my life.

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That's it.

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So I look at all this stuff that I got

to put down to, because somebody who

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ideally would welcome me to present.

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And get paid, because that's what I do.

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I'm embarrassed, to a certain

degree, because there's all this

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stuff about, wow, you did this,

and you did this, and you did this.

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Again, I know it's necessary because

it hopefully would give somebody

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an idea of okay the guy can't suck

that bad if he's done all this.

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But when I hear it, it's

just oh, it's funny.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Okay,

I want you to reframe that.

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Okay.

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Because we're very alike in that.

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I always found that embarrassing.

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But the fact is, You are comforting the

people that want to get help somewhere

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who feel a connection with you by giving

them the list of your expertise, your

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experience, and your life history.

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And you're basically,

it's like a big warm hug.

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They can now know you.

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Okay.

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Oh, I love that.

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Okay.

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Yeah, that way you can give them what you

can provide, but without that hug, they

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might not be open to letting you do that.

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David Woods Bartley: No, thank you.

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I appreciate it.

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You're so

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: very welcome.

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David Woods Bartley: No, and that's good.

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And I think, there's been some things

since you and I last talked that I

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have benefited from that people really

need to know about because as they

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exist now, either they're in a totally

different perspective or they're totally

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misunderstood like as a treatment

particular, but I've had some things

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happen in lane in the last year.

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that are mind blowing.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Oh, good.

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I want to hear.

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So let's get into this because, it's

down below us, all the information

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about David and you can also go

listen to his prior episodes.

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So that's a good thing.

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And you can learn whatever

else you need to learn.

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But for This moment, I wanna know what

you learned and where that's taking you.

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So

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David Woods Bartley: 2023 was the

best speaking year I'd ever had.

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I was, Elaine, I was all

over the world, literally.

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Yeah.

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Mostly doing work with the military, which

is so near and dear to my heart because

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while I've never served my eldest brother

at, he was 18, I was seven, he came in as

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my father when our father died so young.

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My beloved brother enlisted in the

army in:

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later with two stars on his shoulder,

meaning he was the two star general.

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So he's my guy.

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Yeah.

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And so when I get to do all this

military work, I'm I just, I

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don't know, I feel closer to him.

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And so

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unfortunately with that came

right around October or so of 23.

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Is this descent into hell

again, into depression.

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And it was the worst it had ever been

worse than it had been even before.

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And what I would say to my beloved wife.

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Every day was, please just let me die.

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Just let me die, please.

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And the confusing thing for me and

my family was I was still taking my

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meds and I'm still doing counseling.

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And what happened now, a year later, what

we discovered was I was doing too much.

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And I had no balance, no white space.

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Was so bad that my wife would take

my keys from me in the morning.

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And she, you remember when

you do a pinky promise,

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we would do a pinky promise,

we'd do a pinky promise.

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She made me promise that I would

still be alive when she got home.

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And so it was, it was just, it was awful.

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And then combined with that, Oh,

this is just a wonderful thing

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to happen simultaneously is my

left hip began to deteriorate.

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So now I have no reason to

live as far as I was concerned.

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Yeah.

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And so my family and I didn't know this,

not that they were trying to hide it,

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but I was so consumed with just want

to die is they like, okay what do you

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do for treatment resistant depression?

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

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David Woods Bartley: And then they've,

they found, there's different things.

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There's standalone ketamine treatments.

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And so we did those.

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with this wonderful Dr.

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Banga, who's amazing man,

but it didn't do any good.

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We did eight of them.

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And then we looked at TMS, which is

highly effective, which uses magnets

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as a stimulation for basically it's

a rebooting of the brain, but the

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concern was it takes a while and like

I didn't have, and so that really left.

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only one thing, and that was ECT or

electroconvulsive therapy, shock therapy.

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And of course, you and I watched the

movie when we were growing up of One Flew

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Over a Cuckoo's Nest, and you saw that.

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And you know what I didn't realize?

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My beloved father, James Hamilton

Bartley, everybody called him Ham, and

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he died when I was so young, but my

three older brothers remember he was

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also not only burdened with cancer, but

also burdened with horrific depression.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Oh,

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David Woods Bartley: his

father had killed himself.

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My father was just five.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Oh my gosh.

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David Woods Bartley: That's my, my,

my, my brother, Tom, in particular,

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remembers that they would take my

father, it was, it's a place called St.

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Elizabeth's, I don't know if they

still have it, it was in Washington, D.

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C.,

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where I grew up, and it was a, back

then they called them sanitariums,

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they were psych hospitals, and all

the attendants were in pure white,

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: and so my

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David Woods Bartley: father had

ECT, and so my father had ECT.

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And my brother Tom remembers when he

was, so he would have been like 13 or

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14 then bringing after an ECT treatment,

bringing our father back to back out.

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And he was gone.

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He was a zombie.

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It was like, it was nothing.

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So fast forward ahead.

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My family says, okay, this is

what we need to do for David.

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And I didn't know this, but I'm

blessed with this incredible family.

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My brother, Tom, stands up and

says, we are not doing this.

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There's not a, there's no

chance that we're doing this.

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And ultimately it was my eldest brother.

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My dad, he said, no, you

know what we have to do.

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So we met, so summer and I met with Dr.

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Lauren Marasa at Sutter

Center for Psychiatry.

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And we expressed our fears

and I'll never forget.

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I know there was something about this

woman who was a psychiatrist, but

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she didn't seem like a psychiatrist

and I've been with psychiatrists.

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I love psychiatry.

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I love, I'm a huge fan.

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And I remember Dr.

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Morasa saying, she looked at me

and she said, David, trust me.

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Okay.

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And over the course of the next year,

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I've had 39 treatments, far

more than most of the average

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person, but it was that bad.

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And what I can tell you,

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not only did it save my life,

it changed my life the most.

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And there are three

milestones that happened.

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I'll never forget.

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So in the beginning they call it the acute

phase and I was going three days a week.

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How?

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Just, I love my bride.

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God love that is soul.

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And so we started in January now where

it's like the first week in April.

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We're in our bedroom.

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I have a king size bed and we're

making the bed about the first week

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in April again, and all of a sudden

Summer stops, my beloved name is

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Summer, she stops and she points

at me and she says, you're back.

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And I'm like, really?

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She said, yeah, you're back.

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And so that was the first, and then, so

then end of August was the next milestone.

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So I was going to go.

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and work with a middle sch

and talk about suicide.

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A progressive and they're l what?

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They send an opt ou Look, guys coming in

and you don't want your kid t them home.

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W be here.

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Yeah.

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And I know

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So it was early in the

morning, had to be there.

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And so it's a two, two

and a half hour drive.

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And by the time I get to the

school, it's in a rural area.

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I have to go to the bathroom.

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And so I go into the office and I say, hi,

cause you can't just walk into a school.

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Thank you.

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And I say, hi, my name is David Bartley.

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I'm the speaker.

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Oh, I'm just partly.

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We're excited.

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You're here.

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And I said, gosh, may I

please use the restroom?

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And they said, Oh, sure.

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Right around the corner.

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It's the staff restroom.

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So then I get into the

restroom, shut the door.

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And then out loud say, I'm

so glad I didn't kill myself.

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And then I looked around cause I'm

like, dude, who are you talking to?

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But it was this whole visceral.

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I've never said that in

62 years of living that I,

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and then the last happened

about a month ago.

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No, it's hard.

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Even in the place of

progression and healing.

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for a spouse to wonder, okay, if

it gets too bad, do I have to,

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: yeah.

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David Woods Bartley: And we were in a

conversation that a couple sometimes have

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a little bit of passion and she basically

said, is there ever going to be a time

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I don't have to worry that you're not

going to be here alive when I get home.

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And I never thought ever

that this would happen.

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So I looked at my beloved and I said,

sweetheart, you want to know what I

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know now is that there can never be

anything that would ever happen to me.

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I hope that would have ever killed myself.

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So of course, summer burst

into tears and burst into tears

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and just I it's taken it away.

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So I had a blessing on

this past Thursday, Dr.

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Morasa, who's the head of what they

call interventional psychiatry, which

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concludes TMS and intensive eye patient

program and some other amazing things.

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And she said, Hey, we're having a dinner.

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for physicians within the

network that want to know more

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about interventional psychiatry.

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And would you come and share your story

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about E.

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C.

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T.

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And I said, Dr Marasa, of course I will.

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And so to stand, in amongst of

these doctors at the request of

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this person who said, Just trust me.

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And I did.

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Like the whole thing come full circle.

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They're incredible.

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And does ECT work all the time?

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It doesn't.

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Is it the gold standard?

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It is.

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Is it misunderstood?

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Absolutely.

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Do you feel anything?

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Does it hurt?

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I'm taking a freaking nap.

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Yeah.

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I go, from the time I get there to the

time I go home is about three hours.

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I get in, they anesthetize

me, they do their thing.

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I go into recovery.

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I go home.

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That's it.

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Like it couldn't be more boring.

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And what I made the point to tell

the physicians and in particular, Dr

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Marassa was as much as the technology

and the science has changed my life.

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It's those nurses, you and the others

I'll tell you what, then you go 39 times.

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You get to know

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these people you are

like this, it's amazing.

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And I think I'm, so now part of my

crusade is, it's at least worth a

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very hearty, serious consideration.

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Because I have, the one big side effect

that people worry about is memory.

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Yeah.

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And Dr.

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Morassa again said, you're going to have

some memory issues in the acute phase.

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It is, it's going to be, but

she said, David, give me 90 days

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after the acute phase, and it's

going to start to come back.

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And at this point now, so I still,

my last session was January 17th.

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And so now I'm on maintenance once

every six, eight weeks, something.

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And if I were to say, okay,

here's a hundred percent of my

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memory, I might've lost a percent.

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Maybe two.

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And it is amazing to me, Lane,

how much like these small little

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snippets continue to come back.

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Like I'll be doing something.

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I was like, Oh my God, I haven't

thought about that in a while.

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Oh my gosh.

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And there was a one point, where it was

more significant and there was a concern.

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I looked at a, cause I have a list

of stories that I tell in talks and

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there were some I'd look at them.

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I

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can't remember.

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I remember them.

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And, not only my.

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My beloved.

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Two other quick stories.

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And I think this is so what can we do in

a time of such radical global uncertainty?

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Dear God, what can we do?

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And I think one of the ways that

what we can do is reach out to

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be of service to somebody else.

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My father, my dad, my brother, starting

when I fell into the original pit late

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fall of 2023, he started this habit

that habits, not the right word, this

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gift, which happens every single day.

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And it is incredible.

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So what my 72 year old brother

does is he texts me every morning.

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And he lives in central, he lives

in Illinois in central America,

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a couple hours ahead of us.

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So first thing I do is I always, I grab

my phone because I want to see, and

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it's always now he's a West Point man.

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:

So there's always four

points, always four parts.

389

:

First part is what he's doing that day.

390

:

Second part, his direction for me.

391

:

Hey, don't forget this, focus on this.

392

:

It's, he's my dad, like third

motivational quote and fourth love.

393

:

Yeah.

394

:

Elaine.

395

:

Every, on vacation, poor man

had his tricep got detached from

396

:

his elbow or some goofiness.

397

:

So he had, so he had surgery, successful

surgery, and then he had to have his

398

:

cat, his arm in a cast full like this.

399

:

Okay.

400

:

So I thought, Oh God, love him, and this

is, this was just a couple months ago.

401

:

So I'm thinking, all right,

give me a poor break.

402

:

You can give him a couple months off.

403

:

Oh no, it doesn't miss.

404

:

Was just in the Cayman

Islands on a dive trip.

405

:

Oh no, it doesn't miss.

406

:

Every day.

407

:

Every day.

408

:

So that's, sometimes we think,

Oh people get off their phone.

409

:

It doesn't mean that, you know what,

let me tell you how much these texts and

410

:

somehow I'm gonna figure out, I think

somebody told me there's technology

411

:

will take all the texts and put

them into a, I don't know, something

412

:

because it's just, and I think, and

then, so I've tried to model that.

413

:

And so there's three men who at

different times reached out to me and

414

:

said, I could really use your help.

415

:

I'm like, okay.

416

:

And I think, yeah.

417

:

This may be the best question

we can ever ask in our life.

418

:

And it's the question that the officer,

it was the second question that the police

419

:

officer asked me as I was about to jump

off the 730 foot tall Forrestdale Bridge.

420

:

First question he asked me was,

David, would you please share with

421

:

me how you are feeling right now?

422

:

Second question,

423

:

what can I do to help you

feel supported right now.

424

:

Oh, Elaine, I use it in my relationships.

425

:

You can use it all the time.

426

:

It is.

427

:

It is the most brilliant question.

428

:

I think I'll ever know in my life.

429

:

What can I do to help you

feel supported right now?

430

:

It's not.

431

:

It's not.

432

:

What can I do for you?

433

:

Because most people are going

to say, Oh, no, I'm good.

434

:

I'm good.

435

:

It's different.

436

:

It's what can I do to

help you feel supported?

437

:

See, I think people are going to have,

they're going to have greater acceptance

438

:

of that as opposed to what can I do?

439

:

What can I do for you?

440

:

And so So I have followed

my beloved brother's lead.

441

:

And then these three men, and

they've said, could you text me?

442

:

I said, I know what that's like.

443

:

Absolutely.

444

:

And I said tell me what, what

kind of texts and they all

445

:

want spiritual texts of it.

446

:

Okay.

447

:

Not a problem at all.

448

:

And so my morning routine

is I read my brother's.

449

:

Text and then I text my three guys

and I text and I put a lead in and

450

:

then I found this wonderful soul.

451

:

This incredible Mark, what's

Mark Marcellus Marcus is I

452

:

can't remember his last name.

453

:

He was shot seven times.

454

:

Oh, like a 7 11 and left for dead.

455

:

Oh my God.

456

:

Some guy and somehow survive.

457

:

And now he puts out these incredible

things on Instagram and then does.

458

:

So he'll do this talk every day.

459

:

And he has a camera like this every day.

460

:

Mark Marcus does it.

461

:

And then he has a prayer.

462

:

So I just, I, it's not real.

463

:

Do I copy Marcus's prayer?

464

:

Cause it's really good.

465

:

And then I'll do an intro

specific to each guy.

466

:

And it was interesting.

467

:

Levi, who's, it was the first.

468

:

Of these, I said, Hey, what can

I do to help you feel supported?

469

:

And he said just stay in touch with me.

470

:

And I'm like, okay, what

does that look like?

471

:

He said just text me every day.

472

:

I'm like, okay, no problem.

473

:

So I'm just, if anything I'm consistent,

I will give myself credit for that.

474

:

But what's important.

475

:

And this is true of all three of my guys.

476

:

I don't always hear

back from them that day.

477

:

And it could be even as far as

I think the most, the longest

478

:

has been like three days.

479

:

And at first I was upset by that.

480

:

Come on, man, you're dissing me.

481

:

I'm like, it's not about you.

482

:

Don't be a dumb ass.

483

:

Just do your thing and say, okay.

484

:

So cruising along,

485

:

You just, I tell my brother

all the time, because.

486

:

It just did to remind him to let him

know you got to know how much this means

487

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: to me.

488

:

David Woods Bartley: I know

it's a pain in the ass.

489

:

Like you're in Greece last year

on vacation on a cruise ship.

490

:

And you're sending me a fricking text.

491

:

But you just, please know I

don't take it for granted.

492

:

So anyway,

493

:

two weeks ago from

Levi, here's what I get.

494

:

Hey, just want to let you know.

495

:

I think I've turned a corner.

496

:

Thanks for reminding me who I am.

497

:

So in terms of this environment

that we're in right now, and

498

:

I'm not saying put your head in the

sand, that's not what I'm saying.

499

:

No we're given an opportunity to

focus on, what we focused on expands.

500

:

It does.

501

:

And there's awareness, there's obsession.

502

:

There's too little, there's too much.

503

:

But I think, it I've committed as

my brother's committed to me, I've

504

:

committed to these three guys.

505

:

I'm not gonna miss a day.

506

:

I just had my hip replaced.

507

:

And What an, just to pause for a

second, what an amazing experience.

508

:

Unbelievable.

509

:

I like the pain had gotten in

the last, like the last 90 days.

510

:

Every single day got worse.

511

:

And like when people would watch me

I'm gonna use this word, it really

512

:

wasn't what the word was, walk.

513

:

They were like, it was like oh my God.

514

:

Dude, are you okay?

515

:

No, I'm not.

516

:

It would just couldn't get anything.

517

:

And it was worse at night when I

laid down to go to sleep, basically

518

:

didn't sleep for six months.

519

:

And so going into the surgery,

I have very low expectation.

520

:

I'm like, and I heard nothing but

amazing things about this surgeon.

521

:

He's incredible.

522

:

And when I met him, he had

this great aura about him.

523

:

Staff was phenomenal.

524

:

Okay, whatever.

525

:

You can't yeah.

526

:

If you just, I'm on a, I'm on a 15

level of pain on a scale of 10, you

527

:

get me down to, if you get me down

into, single digits, I'm a be okay.

528

:

And I'm only a week out.

529

:

And as I talk to you

right now, my pain level,

530

:

maybe a one, maybe, and that

one is nothing compared to what

531

:

the one would have been on the

other thing, because I'm like,

532

:

How can this be like, I don't like, I

still, and I shared this with my wife

533

:

the other night, I broke down and cried.

534

:

I said, I still have a little

fear like in two weeks, like all

535

:

of a sudden something's going

to be F screwed up, but it is,

536

:

I can't explain it.

537

:

Except the brilliance of the doctor and

the staff and the technology used robots

538

:

and computers and some other stuff.

539

:

And I love him and you

use whatever you want.

540

:

Use it all, Bubba.

541

:

I'm fine.

542

:

I will sign whatever.

543

:

That is awesome.

544

:

Yeah, it, it is just, I can't,

I can't even compare it.

545

:

Wow.

546

:

Because Elaine, it was I was going into

a Panda Express, a fast food food place.

547

:

Alive, and it was.

548

:

I had a cane and I walked in

and the manager who was facing

549

:

me, she said, sir, are you okay

550

:

I said, sure.

551

:

I said, no, I'm not.

552

:

But it's coming.

553

:

, I'm gonna be okay soon.

554

:

So it's, oh, and I hear people talk about,

the level of healthcare and stuff in our

555

:

society, and I'm like lemme tell you what.

556

:

I have touched basically every

single part, including inpatient,

557

:

intensive, outpatient, EC.

558

:

I've touched basically every

single part of the mental

559

:

health system in our country.

560

:

And I touched many parts of the

other part of our health system.

561

:

I have nothing but great things to say.

562

:

I have absolutely zero complaints,

and I'm not anything special.

563

:

I don't, I have average insurance

and interesting my insurance.

564

:

I have not paid a single dime for my ECT.

565

:

Wow.

566

:

I know.

567

:

And I'm like, my I have several

psychiatrists that have made

568

:

a huge difference in my life.

569

:

And the one said, he says David, I

think because they consider that when

570

:

you get to the level of ECT, they

consider it a lifesaving process.

571

:

And you can't, they can't deny that.

572

:

And you don't know, I'm like, wow.

573

:

It's about 30 and again, 39

just for anybody listening.

574

:

That is far more.

575

:

The average is like 11 to

12, but mine was that bad.

576

:

That just to give you an idea.

577

:

I just, I begged my wife,

I begged her to let me die.

578

:

And now I told her there's

nothing that could happen

579

:

that I would ever kill myself.

580

:

Nothing.

581

:

Like what?

582

:

How does that happen?

583

:

You get a couple shocks.

584

:

Yeah that's incredible.

585

:

I think it's just, it's interesting

because I think if you distill it

586

:

down, most people who are suicidal

or most people who are at a place of

587

:

despair and desperation have lost hope.

588

:

There is no hope.

589

:

And so my whole focus in the work

that I do is that connection, which

590

:

is this my experience with you right

now, because you give me the experience

591

:

of feeling seen, heard and value.

592

:

That's connection.

593

:

And from that comes only one emotion.

594

:

It's hope in the dictionary defined as the

feeling that what is wanted can be had.

595

:

Okay, there's hope.

596

:

But see, I think people think

and Jane Goodall did this in a

597

:

beautiful quotation in which she

says, hope is often misunderstood.

598

:

People seem to think it is

simple, passive, wishful thinking.

599

:

I hope something will happen, but I'm

not going to do anything about it.

600

:

And she says, that's the

exact opposite of hope, which

601

:

requires action and engagement.

602

:

And so what I do is

Being divinely inspired.

603

:

It didn't come from me is to teach

people three different ways to

604

:

create connection with anybody,

anytime, any place, anywhere.

605

:

If you can create connection, seen,

heard value, you automatically

606

:

feel hope in that space.

607

:

So in the space of hope, people don't

kill themselves, not hope they can't.

608

:

So in the three methods I teach

people become great at remembering

609

:

people's names, like leverage

curiosity to create understanding,

610

:

because what we see is not what is.

611

:

No.

612

:

And then last, like my brother

did let people know how you feel.

613

:

My brother, in fact, it's interesting at

the end of:

614

:

So this is called a two star note.

615

:

So a general is called a flag officer.

616

:

Because any general or admiral in,

they have it literally in their,

617

:

behind them at their desk is a flag.

618

:

If there are one star, they have,

so then they have stationary.

619

:

This is a two star note.

620

:

So this is the method by which my

brother in 42 and a half years of command

621

:

transform every single organization that

he was with that he used handwritten

622

:

notes, not because he's a yes, man.

623

:

Not because he's easy because what he did

is he made them, they were timely, they

624

:

were authentic and they were accurate.

625

:

And people were, and my brother's,

my brother is a very humble guy.

626

:

He wouldn't tell you he was a

general unless you like, squeezed

627

:

it out of him, but you knew

628

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

he was a real leader.

629

:

David Woods Bartley: Oh, exactly.

630

:

Exactly.

631

:

And he just, and.

632

:

So he would look for ways to acknowledge

people, to mentor people, and he would

633

:

use these handwritten notes, and he would

send them to their address, send them to

634

:

their home, and so it would just say in

the return address, it would just say J.

635

:

R.

636

:

Bartley.

637

:

It wouldn't say Major General John R.

638

:

Bartley, no.

639

:

And so people would be

like, what the hell?

640

:

Because people, Elaine, people

work their entire life in the Army

641

:

and never get a handwritten note.

642

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

643

:

David Woods Bartley: And so I've

been on the receiving end of many,

644

:

I've been very blessed and I didn't

notice this until the other day.

645

:

And again, I'm so incredible.

646

:

It really, at the beginning of

my descent into hell, my brother

647

:

mailed this to me and it says

648

:

24, December, 2023, David,

649

:

you can beat this.

650

:

Love you, John.

651

:

That, so those three things.

652

:

You can do that and you create hope.

653

:

And then there's my beloved niece,

Brooke knows, and she's incredible

654

:

and helps me with marketing and stuff.

655

:

And so she sent this to me because

I'm obsessed with hope because I think

656

:

I know people don't kill themselves

when they feel hope they don't, maybe

657

:

love, maybe joy, maybe faith, not hope

658

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: in our tagline.

659

:

We offer hope.

660

:

Exactly.

661

:

David Woods Bartley: So you got, if

you got hope so you can, so if you have

662

:

it, you're good now, you're like, okay.

663

:

And you're telling me you can make you,

you can create help anywhere you want.

664

:

You go to somebody and let's say you're

working out at the gym and you've worked

665

:

out there for some period of time.

666

:

Have you taken the time

to know the person's name?

667

:

And then when you, before

they say, hey, how are you?

668

:

You say, Daniel, hey man, how you doing?

669

:

I tell you what, you will,

and then you become good.

670

:

Then you remember their spouse's

name, you remember their mom's

671

:

name, you become important dates.

672

:

And you just, you're just like.

673

:

transform individuals because

they feel seen, heard and

674

:

value in a time of uncertainty.

675

:

Feeling seen, heard and value

gives you this platform of hope.

676

:

And here's what hope is.

677

:

Hope is this is from Matthew, who's

a guy that loves cats on Twitter.

678

:

This may be the single best thing

I have ever read in my life.

679

:

Here's what Matthew says.

680

:

People speak of hope as if it is

this delicate, ephemeral thing

681

:

made of whispers and spider webs.

682

:

It's not.

683

:

Hope has dirt on her face, blood on

her knuckles, the grit of cobblestones

684

:

in her hair and just spat out a tooth.

685

:

As she rises for another go,

686

:

That's hope that's hope

that's exactly what I said.

687

:

Dear God, brother, that is

exactly what we can get.

688

:

That is it.

689

:

Just spat out a tooth as

she rises for another girl.

690

:

Yes, that's it.

691

:

So you can, we can give that to

each other in a time of uncertainty.

692

:

You just, and there are.

693

:

There's a guy in Canada named Zach.

694

:

I don't know what Zach's last name is.

695

:

I have fallen in love

with this human being.

696

:

So he's on Instagram and he goes to

people and he will, like the one I

697

:

watched today was he was a lot of times

he'll go to, he'll go to the homeless.

698

:

He'll go to immigrants, he'll

go to restaurant people, he'll

699

:

go to people in libraries.

700

:

So this was a an obvious immigrant in

a library, and he goes up and he'll

701

:

say, Hey, hi, I'm sorry to bother you.

702

:

I'm really hungry.

703

:

I saw it.

704

:

There any way, could you help

me out with a little something?

705

:

And they always give.

706

:

They typically have nothing.

707

:

And sometimes I'll say, I'll just go

to, I'll go to the ATM and get some, so

708

:

this guy had, I think a dollar and gives

it to Zach and Zach says, I just got to

709

:

tell you, I really didn't need the money.

710

:

And then the people are totally confused.

711

:

Like he said, I was just

looking for the first person to

712

:

be, that would be kind to me.

713

:

So I'm going to be kind to you.

714

:

And he gives them 5, 000.

715

:

And the person is just what?

716

:

And he says, they're like no, I can't.

717

:

They're like no, yes, take it.

718

:

And like.

719

:

Why?

720

:

And they say, because you were kind.

721

:

And like this gentleman today he just

became homeless and he was behind

722

:

on his rent or he was behind on his

when you pay for school tuition.

723

:

Yeah.

724

:

And then there's another guy that does a

similar thing and most of I can't think

725

:

of his name, but I watch all his stuff or

for the homeless and he goes up to people

726

:

and you watch him, he always gives them,

he asks them for money and they'll give

727

:

him like, like a couple of change and

he'll say, I don't actually don't need it.

728

:

And they're like, come on, man,

why are you messing with me?

729

:

I love these souls on the street.

730

:

And he says.

731

:

No, man, I'd say like Zach, I'm

doing this because I was looking for

732

:

somebody who was kind and then with

James, I think his name is James.

733

:

He gave me, he always gives him 500

and the whole, and the homeless people.

734

:

Some, it's funny.

735

:

Sometimes they like just sprint off

or fall on their knees or it just, and

736

:

then he'll do not with everyone, but

on some of them, he'll do a go fund me.

737

:

And then he goes back to the person

and there's raised two or 3, 000.

738

:

And then these people, in the

interim, they've taken this 500.

739

:

And there was probably some that not

every person did it this way, but the

740

:

ones that he shows they got a job, they

reconnected with family and just, okay.

741

:

So all this to say, those are the things.

742

:

That I spend my time looking at not.

743

:

I'm not paying attention.

744

:

I'm not pretending that there's not some

massive disruption that's going on at a

745

:

government level that I don't agree with.

746

:

I'll be aware of it to

the extent that I need to.

747

:

I think that what I can do in

response is to try to emulate my

748

:

brother, John, to emulate my other

two brothers, Jim and Tom, to emulate

749

:

Zach and Jim to emulate Matthew.

750

:

To do those things is probably to

try to be to continue because I'm

751

:

a new dad because when Summer and

I got together, and she's younger

752

:

than I, Deanna, my first wife.

753

:

We had all those animals, but we didn't

have children and now I have three.

754

:

These children are so good.

755

:

They're just, they're 19, 16, and 13.

756

:

They're just

757

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Oh,

758

:

David Woods Bartley:

Here's how good my son is.

759

:

So on Christmas, I was Our girls, they

go to their dad's, they share holidays.

760

:

And so they were at their

dad's and he's a great guy.

761

:

I'll tell you a story of what he did.

762

:

Amazing guy.

763

:

So it's just Summer, myself, and

Ethan are home on Christmas morning.

764

:

So I go down, it's like

about seven o'clock.

765

:

I go downstairs and I'm

at, there's no one else up.

766

:

I got my two pups are with me.

767

:

Lexi, who you saw is with dad.

768

:

And and I'm down in the

kitchen, and I pass out down.

769

:

I go, Oh yeah.

770

:

Thank God, there must've been angels.

771

:

Cause it didn't hit my head.

772

:

And so now I'm on the ground, my hip.

773

:

I can't, I got not to get up.

774

:

Oh, dear God, there's no way.

775

:

So I'm a little funny.

776

:

Not totally the heck am I going to do?

777

:

And now normally my son

sleeps in by the grace of God.

778

:

I didn't, I don't think

I screamed or anything.

779

:

He comes by and he says,

David, are you okay?

780

:

I said, brother, buddy, I passed out.

781

:

Okay.

782

:

And one thing I didn't,

he's a very slender.

783

:

My God, is he strong?

784

:

I'm like 195 pounds, man.

785

:

He freaking scooped me

up like I was nothing.

786

:

So day continues.

787

:

And at one point, of course, then dad,

dad says, dude, you're going to the

788

:

hospital because you got to find out.

789

:

Everything checked out fine.

790

:

But in the interim, there were these

thoughts, I'm still I'm a rookie dad.

791

:

I'm a bonus dad, but I'm a rookie dad.

792

:

And so God love my son.

793

:

He came to me, it was like halfway

through the day and he said, You

794

:

might have thought that I saw you

as weak when you were on the ground.

795

:

And he said,

796

:

that wasn't the case.

797

:

He said, actually, when

you asked for help.

798

:

I saw you as strong.

799

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: That's so

800

:

David Woods Bartley: Oh my God.

801

:

That's incredible.

802

:

Yeah.

803

:

So I don't know.

804

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

Generation is turning it around.

805

:

David Woods Bartley: I'm sorry.

806

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

Their generation.

807

:

David Woods Bartley: Oh, yes.

808

:

I totally

809

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: agree.

810

:

Yeah.

811

:

If

812

:

David Woods Bartley: I look at it

and I look at my two daughters are

813

:

just, they have an amazing dad.

814

:

He's a great Ethan's dad.

815

:

We'll just put him to the side.

816

:

But the girl's dad is

just an awesome dude.

817

:

Here's how awesome he

married to their bonus.

818

:

Mom is freaking phenomenal.

819

:

During like midway of the year that I was

like last year last year when I was going

820

:

through treatment and still depressed,

what I didn't know was Steven Katrina.

821

:

That's their dad and a bonus.

822

:

Mom had contacted summer and asked

her to come over because they

823

:

wanted to give she and I something.

824

:

And summer said, okay all right, whatever.

825

:

So what they had done is they went

to their favorite restaurant and

826

:

bought a 100 gift certificate.

827

:

And they said, please, you and

David go out and please let

828

:

David know how much we love him.

829

:

And how much we're here to support him.

830

:

That's your wife's ex husband.

831

:

And which I will never use the word

ex that's my beloved former spouse.

832

:

And my, I said, you guys.

833

:

And so I, I think the girls and I think

Ethan are benefiting from those sorts

834

:

of they look at that and they think.

835

:

Absolutely.

836

:

Wow.

837

:

And I think, if I may, that, I never

will call my, my, my first wife X.

838

:

Never.

839

:

I will never call Deanna X.

840

:

Deanna will be my former, my,

my former beloved, my former

841

:

wife, my former partner.

842

:

Never X.

843

:

Never.

844

:

And I think.

845

:

I think that those things,

not that I do that for them.

846

:

I do think that they take notice of that.

847

:

And I think that then, I, Gracie,

my youngest wrote me, this made me

848

:

this card and I, I don't know why

early on seven years ago, I, she, I

849

:

just started calling her the bear.

850

:

So she signed it.

851

:

With a bear.

852

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Nice bear.

853

:

David Woods Bartley:

She's really artistic.

854

:

She's really artistic.

855

:

She wrote,

856

:

She wrote,

857

:

You are my hero,

858

:

David Woods Bartley.

859

:

You are my dad.

860

:

I am grateful.

861

:

Beyond words that you love me.

862

:

It's just,

863

:

It's all that.

864

:

Was that one of my favorite nurse at

ECT is Betty and Betty's four foot

865

:

10 and she probably in her fifties.

866

:

And I don't think I've ever literally

seen Betty do anything but smile.

867

:

And my brothers and sisters, we come

into that place in, in difficult ways.

868

:

And Betty is incredibly good

at, just loving on people

869

:

and we've become very close.

870

:

And so two times ago, cause I don't

come, I don't go as often anymore.

871

:

I'm in the.

872

:

And the recovery section, they have

these great, they're like Lazy Boy

873

:

chairs, and then they have these blankets

that are in this special heated box.

874

:

They say, David, would you like a blanket?

875

:

I'm like, oh my God, yes!

876

:

So anyway, this, two times ago, Betty

saw me, and she came over, and she came

877

:

a little closer than she normally comes.

878

:

That was a bad thing because I'm a hugger

and I don't know if I've ever hugged

879

:

Betty And but she actually leaned in

and she whispered and she said David

880

:

There's a new patient named Ken and

he'll be here in just a little bit.

881

:

Will you please let him

know it's all gonna be okay

882

:

And I told that story last Thursday

and I said, to be trusted to be A

883

:

kind of ambassador, spokesperson, for

the process, for the procedure and

884

:

for the staff and to be trusted, I,

God, I didn't expect that a year ago.

885

:

That's for sure.

886

:

But that, those are the sorts of

things that we can do in this time of

887

:

uncertainty for each other that I think

will, it just, it doesn't fix anything.

888

:

But I think it changes how we feel because

it gives us the presence of, I think,

889

:

the most important emotion of all, hope.

890

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

I totally agree with you.

891

:

Absolutely.

892

:

A hundred percent.

893

:

In that being, since the pandemic,

894

:

things just felt I don't know, disjointed.

895

:

And my husband and I have a little dog.

896

:

We're set in our ways.

897

:

It wasn't as hard on us as it

was on some people not going out.

898

:

I have mobility challenged anyway and

he played hockey for too many years.

899

:

Walking for us is difficult and he

just got a new knee in September.

900

:

He's definitely doing better.

901

:

The whole thing during

COVID was all these people.

902

:

That I wasn't getting to see and

connecting on social media by putting

903

:

up pictures or what have you is one

thing, but I started doing little

904

:

texts to everybody called my flyby hug.

905

:

Oh, I like that.

906

:

Okay.

907

:

And that's all it is.

908

:

It's hi, you fly by hug.

909

:

And for people that I just

got a feeling that they needed

910

:

something more, there was love.

911

:

Yeah.

912

:

I've been doing it for years and there

are a ton of people who can tell you that.

913

:

And I know some people at first

thought, oh, what's wrong?

914

:

There's nothing wrong.

915

:

I just wanted to be sure you

know that you're in my thoughts.

916

:

And it's become a regular thing because

I realized that offering some little

917

:

bit of hope, some little bit of hope.

918

:

Acknowledgement can some days be

the only good thing that happens.

919

:

David Woods Bartley:

Yeah, I agree with you.

920

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: And I'm

not ever looking for a response.

921

:

I get a lot of responses,

but that was never the point.

922

:

It was just thinking of you and

I'll do that because I think we

923

:

have to stretch those virtual

threads that connect people to us.

924

:

And keep them well serviced.

925

:

You have blankets and sweaters and

things you put on to keep you warm.

926

:

Every so often they have to go in

the wash so you can fluff them up.

927

:

For me, the fly by hug is fluffing up

that connection I have with that person.

928

:

David Woods Bartley: I love it.

929

:

I'm gonna steal the show.

930

:

I'm a

931

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: fluffer.

932

:

David Woods Bartley: And it,

you're, and you're funny.

933

:

So it's shared with you before the show.

934

:

There's a particular branch of

the government that I'm fond of

935

:

them all but I have a buddy who's,

the senior enlisted person for

936

:

this entire military dear friend.

937

:

And going through just

organizationally, they're going

938

:

through a whole bunch of stuff.

939

:

And so I it occurred to me when I

first heard the news this has got, I

940

:

bet this is pretty tough for my butt.

941

:

And so I just sent him a note, Hey,

bro, I just, you know what, just

942

:

please know, I love you so very much.

943

:

And, and.

944

:

And I have every just, because it's

still such a high state of uncertainty,

945

:

I've probably sent two or three more.

946

:

And, it Elaine, to your point.

947

:

What he sent what my buddy sends back

every single time is you have no idea how

948

:

much this means to me Just you know, and

you would think especially if you see him.

949

:

He is good lord.

950

:

He's probably six foot six incredibly

handsome unfairly handsome Fucker.

951

:

Excuse me, . But no, and he's

just, he's big and he is, he is

952

:

got all the stripes and everything.

953

:

He's accomplished and smart and funny

and he's like the whole package,

954

:

like, why did God give him everything?

955

:

But no, and he's just an absolute

sweetheart of a human being.

956

:

He wouldn't think something as simple as,

Hey brother, I just wanna let you know.

957

:

And it's just something so simple.

958

:

It's incredible.

959

:

It's and, yeah, it's, it is.

960

:

I want to

961

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: insert something

here because I've said this a couple of

962

:

times on the show, but I think in this

context, the navigating uncertainty and

963

:

what you've talked about, I want each of

us, every audience member that hears this

964

:

and people I want you to, for every month

there is, I want you to take on one to

965

:

three people that are strangers, okay?

966

:

Not the people you know, because

I want you to fly by, hug them,

967

:

do all that, whatever you want

to do to the people you know.

968

:

But what I want you to

do is pick some strangers

969

:

and just, okay, give one ten minutes.

970

:

I'm here.

971

:

I'll listen and that's

what I want you to do.

972

:

Don't fix anything.

973

:

Don't put your two cents in there.

974

:

Don't even you don't even have to say

you know how it feels or whatever.

975

:

I just want you to Allow them, tell

them that you are going to listen and

976

:

give them 10 minutes and the other

two, when you see someone, okay,

977

:

there's gotta be something about that

person that you find interesting.

978

:

Just tell them great glasses, nice hat.

979

:

Love the way you walk.

980

:

Oh, you must be so good to your dog.

981

:

You look so happy.

982

:

Just a positive statement because

I'll tell you when you do that.

983

:

People walk away jauntier they're more

in their body, they're in the moment.

984

:

And you don't know, but there are

people who don't get a positive

985

:

response from anyone all day long.

986

:

This is a massive gift that you can give

to a stranger and it costs you nothing.

987

:

Couple of moments of your time.

988

:

David Woods Bartley: But

989

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

if we all do that,

990

:

Just think how much kinder.

991

:

How much nicer the world will be,

because the minute somebody gives you

992

:

a compliment, the minute someone allows

you to be seen, you automatically find

993

:

that, not just hope, but happiness.

994

:

There's a little seed of joy in you.

995

:

And if we start planting those

seeds, We are going to fill the

996

:

world with walking forests of joy.

997

:

David Woods Bartley: I agree

with you so much, Darlene.

998

:

And I use Dr.

999

:

Ramsey's quote a lot.

:

00:55:02,181 --> 00:55:05,251

So Drew Ramsey is an amazing psychiatrist.

:

00:55:05,271 --> 00:55:06,951

He's a wild man on Instagram.

:

00:55:06,961 --> 00:55:08,781

He's really his, if I had to say what Dr.

:

00:55:08,791 --> 00:55:11,921

Ramsey really, his passion

is about brain gut health.

:

00:55:12,341 --> 00:55:14,691

and he's really, he's extraordinary.

:

00:55:14,691 --> 00:55:15,231

Here's what Dr.

:

00:55:15,231 --> 00:55:15,751

Ramsey said.

:

00:55:15,761 --> 00:55:19,011

So here's the man that has sat with

people like me for countless years.

:

00:55:19,731 --> 00:55:22,421

And this is to your point

so beautifully that what Dr.

:

00:55:22,421 --> 00:55:25,681

Ramsey said, the two of you,

these, your brilliant souls

:

00:55:25,681 --> 00:55:27,991

together, he says, reminds us.

:

00:55:29,106 --> 00:55:33,256

Someone we see today is thinking

about killing themselves.

:

00:55:34,256 --> 00:55:38,026

Our smile, our question,

our love could save them.

:

00:55:38,246 --> 00:55:40,106

Trust me, they told me it did.

:

00:55:40,106 --> 00:55:42,066

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: You

:

00:55:43,246 --> 00:55:43,846

David Woods Bartley: think about ugh.

:

00:55:44,496 --> 00:55:47,386

And then, the other thing I'll

add just a little, just to add

:

00:55:47,386 --> 00:55:50,756

in, I know we're probably running

out of time, is about manners.

:

00:55:51,296 --> 00:55:56,436

So the time that I walked into

the Panda Express, when the

:

00:55:57,126 --> 00:55:58,566

manager said, sir, you okay?

:

00:55:59,246 --> 00:56:03,436

So I walked in and it was like

seven o'clock on a Saturday

:

00:56:03,476 --> 00:56:05,816

and the place was gleaming.

:

00:56:05,886 --> 00:56:08,436

It was so incredibly clean.

:

00:56:08,456 --> 00:56:14,156

And so I just said, I just have to say,

I know it didn't just happen this way.

:

00:56:14,646 --> 00:56:17,126

Like it is gorgeous in here.

:

00:56:18,246 --> 00:56:19,656

And so they said thank you so much.

:

00:56:19,656 --> 00:56:21,166

And I'm like, I just want to let you know.

:

00:56:21,166 --> 00:56:24,716

And so then Izzy, who was the

young woman about 16 or 17,

:

00:56:24,716 --> 00:56:25,486

who was going to wait on me.

:

00:56:26,836 --> 00:56:28,166

She said, sir, what would you like?

:

00:56:28,166 --> 00:56:29,676

And I said Izzy, my name's David.

:

00:56:30,176 --> 00:56:31,656

May I please have this?

:

00:56:31,666 --> 00:56:33,036

And may I please have this?

:

00:56:33,076 --> 00:56:34,336

And may I please have this?

:

00:56:34,356 --> 00:56:39,026

And after the third, may I please,

she stopped and looked at me and

:

00:56:39,026 --> 00:56:41,516

said, sir, thank you for your manners.

:

00:56:41,516 --> 00:56:42,786

And

:

00:56:45,846 --> 00:56:47,786

just think of the role reversal there.

:

00:56:48,296 --> 00:56:51,406

Like it would have been if it

was me complimenting Izzy on her

:

00:56:51,406 --> 00:56:52,446

manners, it would make sense.

:

00:56:52,456 --> 00:56:57,346

Oh, that's a child that had been raised

by that was a child who was recognizing

:

00:56:57,356 --> 00:57:00,936

and appreciating the value of please.

:

00:57:02,026 --> 00:57:03,836

And I'm like Izzy, of course.

:

00:57:04,321 --> 00:57:06,481

And then I wanted one more thing

and I didn't know what to get.

:

00:57:06,481 --> 00:57:07,681

And I said, Izzy, do you have a favorite?

:

00:57:07,791 --> 00:57:08,741

And she says, yes, I do.

:

00:57:08,741 --> 00:57:10,061

And I said may I please have that?

:

00:57:10,831 --> 00:57:14,781

So we finish up and go to the

register and checking out.

:

00:57:14,811 --> 00:57:15,691

And she said, sir.

:

00:57:15,691 --> 00:57:18,931

And I said, yes, she says,

you're the nicest customer

:

00:57:18,931 --> 00:57:21,921

we've had in a very long time.

:

00:57:22,601 --> 00:57:26,921

I think about on the one hand, you

think how low the bar is, but see, I

:

00:57:27,111 --> 00:57:32,971

interpret it as how easy it is for us

to make to your point, beautiful soul.

:

00:57:33,456 --> 00:57:36,566

a significant difference in

another person's life by simply

:

00:57:36,566 --> 00:57:37,666

saying, please and thank you.

:

00:57:37,706 --> 00:57:38,876

Acknowledging hard work.

:

00:57:39,216 --> 00:57:45,126

Like you become the superstar

because you're all about being good.

:

00:57:45,776 --> 00:57:46,176

Wow.

:

00:57:46,446 --> 00:57:46,946

Okay.

:

00:57:47,316 --> 00:57:48,146

That's pretty easy.

:

00:57:48,856 --> 00:57:51,686

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: So here I'm

going to put it in a little nugget.

:

00:57:52,816 --> 00:57:58,226

This is my little nugget for

people before you leave the house.

:

00:58:00,226 --> 00:58:02,486

Maybe even before you leave your bedroom.

:

00:58:03,576 --> 00:58:08,856

I want you to put on two accessories

that you can take with you every day.

:

00:58:10,196 --> 00:58:11,236

And that's please.

:

00:58:11,366 --> 00:58:12,136

And thank you.

:

00:58:12,226 --> 00:58:12,866

David Woods Bartley: Amen.

:

00:58:12,866 --> 00:58:15,696

Amen.

:

00:58:15,696 --> 00:58:16,116

Yes.

:

00:58:17,156 --> 00:58:18,706

It just, it is amazing.

:

00:58:18,706 --> 00:58:23,686

The other thing that I teach people in

terms of names, I say, next time you go

:

00:58:23,686 --> 00:58:28,376

to a restaurant, you're going to be with

that soul for probably 60 minutes, the

:

00:58:28,376 --> 00:58:32,706

person who's waiting on you every single

time, not every other, not every third.

:

00:58:33,061 --> 00:58:37,591

every single time that person comes

back to the table, use their name.

:

00:58:38,451 --> 00:58:41,721

And then you tell me what

happens at the end of an hour.

:

00:58:44,171 --> 00:58:46,111

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

And Andrew Carnegie is

:

00:58:46,111 --> 00:58:48,561

David Woods Bartley: a Dale Carnegie.

:

00:58:49,211 --> 00:58:49,921

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Is it Dale?

:

00:58:51,121 --> 00:58:54,181

David Woods Bartley: Joe Carnegie

has the yeah, the communication

:

00:58:54,211 --> 00:58:54,471

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: thing.

:

00:58:54,801 --> 00:58:54,961

David Woods Bartley: Yeah.

:

00:58:55,551 --> 00:58:59,171

So the sound of that person's name is

the sweetest, the most sweetest sound

:

00:58:59,181 --> 00:59:00,121

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

they've ever heard.

:

00:59:00,161 --> 00:59:01,411

Yes, exactly.

:

00:59:01,681 --> 00:59:03,781

And seeing, I always

mix those two up because

:

00:59:04,201 --> 00:59:05,011

David Woods Bartley: they're too great.

:

00:59:05,011 --> 00:59:07,100

But

:

00:59:07,381 --> 00:59:07,541

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: just,

:

00:59:07,871 --> 00:59:08,811

David Woods Bartley: You think about

:

00:59:09,311 --> 00:59:09,971

Interesting

:

00:59:12,021 --> 00:59:18,271

how simple it is to make an impact

that you just, because we're all, we

:

00:59:18,271 --> 00:59:21,101

all want to, we all want the, we all

want the experience of connection.

:

00:59:21,261 --> 00:59:23,721

And the definition I

always use is Brene Brown.

:

00:59:23,981 --> 00:59:26,031

So of course, it's going to

be like ridiculously great.

:

00:59:26,631 --> 00:59:29,751

She says, I define

connection as the energy.

:

00:59:30,541 --> 00:59:35,331

That exists between people when they

feel seen, heard, and valued when they

:

00:59:35,331 --> 00:59:37,401

can give and receive without judgment.

:

00:59:37,761 --> 00:59:40,721

And they derive strength and

sustenance from the relationship.

:

00:59:41,601 --> 00:59:42,671

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: So you beautiful

:

00:59:42,681 --> 00:59:46,731

David Woods Bartley: friend, that gift

that you have set up where you were just

:

00:59:46,791 --> 00:59:52,161

giving, saying, Hey, just give somebody

the space to share, not talk, share.

:

00:59:53,616 --> 01:00:00,476

There's a Rachel Naomi Remen wrote an

amazing book called Kitchen Table Wisdom.

:

01:00:01,006 --> 01:00:02,286

And she says, so Dr.

:

01:00:02,286 --> 01:00:07,546

Remen was a physician for

probably close to four decades and

:

01:00:07,626 --> 01:00:09,496

learned these incredible things.

:

01:00:09,656 --> 01:00:12,146

And her, this is what

she says about listening.

:

01:00:12,586 --> 01:00:16,586

She says, our listening creates

a sanctuary for the homeless

:

01:00:16,596 --> 01:00:18,036

parts in another person.

:

01:00:19,496 --> 01:00:20,386

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

Oh, that's beautiful.

:

01:00:20,506 --> 01:00:21,016

Isn't it amazing?

:

01:00:21,016 --> 01:00:24,052

David Woods Bartley: Just between

that and just spat out a tooth

:

01:00:24,102 --> 01:00:25,672

as she rises for another go.

:

01:00:26,002 --> 01:00:26,922

That's so good.

:

01:00:27,272 --> 01:00:27,832

I love that.

:

01:00:27,832 --> 01:00:29,072

That's so good!

:

01:00:30,152 --> 01:00:33,052

And I'm like, that's it.

:

01:00:34,162 --> 01:00:36,512

God, I was like, wow.

:

01:00:36,592 --> 01:00:39,212

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah,

that is absolutely perfect.

:

01:00:39,802 --> 01:00:40,202

David Woods Bartley: And

:

01:00:40,562 --> 01:00:42,802

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

I'm going to say that is.

:

01:00:43,747 --> 01:00:45,807

Exactly where we're

going to end for today.

:

01:00:47,167 --> 01:00:50,267

I think that was just absolutely perfect.

:

01:00:50,857 --> 01:00:53,337

David Woods Bartley: And if you

bear with me to come back, I have

:

01:00:53,337 --> 01:00:54,737

a whole nother part of my work.

:

01:00:54,737 --> 01:00:57,417

Now that I do, we've

been talking about, which

:

01:00:59,857 --> 01:01:01,907

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

absolutely have you back?

:

01:01:02,077 --> 01:01:03,767

No, no two ways about that.

:

01:01:03,917 --> 01:01:04,407

You're an angel.

:

01:01:04,597 --> 01:01:06,427

We'll do it relatively soon too.

:

01:01:06,877 --> 01:01:07,617

Okay, cool.

:

01:01:07,757 --> 01:01:12,127

I cannot thank you enough,

David, for sharing with us.

:

01:01:13,732 --> 01:01:15,212

I absolutely adore you.

:

01:01:15,892 --> 01:01:18,112

David Woods Bartley: And my grandma,

Jane would say right back at you.

:

01:01:18,617 --> 01:01:19,007

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Ah.

:

01:01:19,097 --> 01:01:19,967

Ah, I love that.

:

01:01:19,967 --> 01:01:20,207

I love that.

:

01:01:20,207 --> 01:01:20,507

Oh yeah.

:

01:01:20,777 --> 01:01:21,917

David Woods Bartley: Oh, you

would've loved Grandma Jane.

:

01:01:22,567 --> 01:01:23,317

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

Yeah, I bet I would.

:

01:01:23,317 --> 01:01:23,527

Worked,

:

01:01:23,707 --> 01:01:25,567

David Woods Bartley: worked

for the IRS for 35 years

:

01:01:26,127 --> 01:01:27,147

.

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Oh wow.

:

01:01:27,147 --> 01:01:27,477

David Woods Bartley: Yeah.

:

01:01:27,477 --> 01:01:27,657

That's

:

01:01:27,722 --> 01:01:27,922

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: great.

:

01:01:28,102 --> 01:01:28,322

Wow.

:

01:01:29,117 --> 01:01:30,107

That's so cool.

:

01:01:31,757 --> 01:01:35,777

To the audience, let me say, you

will find everything you need to

:

01:01:35,777 --> 01:01:43,427

know about David and connecting down

below on our transcript pre, I can't

:

01:01:43,427 --> 01:01:46,667

talk anymore on our transcript page.

:

01:01:47,317 --> 01:01:51,987

Everything will be there,

and we will definitely be

:

01:01:52,017 --> 01:01:54,337

inviting David back very soon.

:

01:01:54,767 --> 01:01:55,887

David Woods Bartley: Thank

you, my beloved friend.

:

01:01:56,427 --> 01:01:58,467

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

Thank you, my beloved friend.

:

01:01:59,107 --> 01:02:03,147

I want to say to our audience,

as usual, make the very best

:

01:02:03,237 --> 01:02:05,217

of your today, every day.

:

01:02:05,897 --> 01:02:07,447

And we will see you next time.

:

01:02:07,997 --> 01:02:08,677

David Woods Bartley: Bye, everybody.

:

01:02:09,387 --> 01:02:10,447

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Bye for now.

:

01:02:10,927 --> 01:02:13,977

Voiceove: Thank you for being

here for another inspiring episode

:

01:02:13,977 --> 01:02:15,637

of Suicide Zen Forgiveness.

:

01:02:15,667 --> 01:02:17,117

We appreciate you tuning in.

:

01:02:17,947 --> 01:02:22,457

Please subscribe and download on your

favorite service and check out SZF's

:

01:02:22,457 --> 01:02:24,127

YouTube channel or Facebook community.

:

01:02:24,407 --> 01:02:27,327

If you have the chance to leave

a five star rating or review,

:

01:02:27,387 --> 01:02:28,677

it'd be greatly appreciated.

:

01:02:29,607 --> 01:02:32,917

Please refer this to a friend you

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:

01:02:32,937 --> 01:02:35,107

and inspiration from our guests.

:

01:02:35,727 --> 01:02:39,277

Suicide Zen Forgiveness was brought

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This is great for you if you're

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01:03:34,722 --> 01:03:36,362

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Show artwork for Suicide Zen Forgiveness Stories re Suicide Loss | Ideation | Mental Health | Offering Hope |Empathy for All

About the Podcast

Suicide Zen Forgiveness Stories re Suicide Loss | Ideation | Mental Health | Offering Hope |Empathy for All
Sharing Stories to Offer Hope
Adding empathy and offering hope to end the silence, stigma, and shame. ~Elaine Lindsay©2021

Come along on the transformative journey of ’Suicide Zen Forgiveness,’ where host Elaine Lindsay, a suicide loss survivor and advocate, invites listeners to break the silence about mental health struggles. Elaine wants to remove the shame felt by all who are touched by suicide loss, ideation and mental health. With over 50 years of personal experience, Elaine offers candid conversations, heartfelt stories, and practical insights aimed at ending the stigma and offering hope. Each episode explores themes of resilience, gratitude, and growth, encouraging listeners to navigate life’s challenges with bravery and compassion. Tune in for a blend of wisdom, authenticity, and unwavering support on a group journey of healing, hope, and understanding.

About your host

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Elaine Lindsay